Help Stop The Pain

Tonight will be 4 months that you are gone. It feels like a lifetime, Heather. I cry for you and for so many things where I feel I let you down. Guilt is an awful feeling - I know - I have felt it for a lifetime. Heather, while you are gone, you are still teaching me still and I am so thankful for the time that we had together. In order to do this post, I have to share something of my past that I never wanted to share. Long, long ago, I was a happy child. I loved my family, I loved school. I was the youngest of 4 girls and being the geek that I was back then, I used to go through my older sisters school books and see what they were learning and try to learn it myself. One day, all of that changed. I was in either 5th or 6th grade (I had the same teacher for both years so I can't be sure, but I think it was 6th grade). As I said, I loved school, so I was often at the school after dismissal. Clapping erasers and cleaning the blackboard meant extra time of school for me. I had on

I miss my baby every day. Friday, February 26th, will be 4 months. The pain is as fresh today as it was the day it happened. Heather came over and we had lunch together and played with Carter. Heather loved to draw and spent hours drawing on our chalkboard table. How I wish that I could change that day. It plays in my mind over and over again. When my girls were little, we spent a lot of time on wrap-around hugs. They were the best. They would jump up and wrap their arms and legs around me so tight. They were the best. On that Monday, when Heather was getting ready to leave, she came over and gave me a hug. For some reason, I reverted back to trying to give her a wrap-around hug. It didn't work out so well, and it killed my back, but for some reason I had to try. Heather was supposed to come back in the evening. She never showed. Instead, I had 3 NJ State Police knocking on our front door. At first, we thought she had an accident. I called Amy and asked her to come home. I t

Pain is real. Pain can become very intense. Pain can kill. There are so many reasons for the pain going through our friends and families. The sad part is that addiction and suicide seem to becoming more and more common. We need to help stop the pain. I read of another overdose today. I cried. I didn't know the young man, but a friend of mine did and he was a good kid. He could've easily taken the path of suicide that my daughter, Heather, took, but he didn't choose that path. The beginning of the path was still the same, mental illness. It kills so many people. Yes, the variations are different, but the ending is the same. A new world for the survivors. A before and an after. Nothing is ever the same for those left behind. I have heard many cruel people say that those that die from overdose deserve it. They were stupid. No, they aren't stupid. The pain is just that intense. When you have a bad day, do you ever reach for a drink? Well, I know my daughter did. It l

Pain. Sometimes pain is ripping through your body. You just feel crushed by it. You feel like something is wrong with you, so you hide it. You smile. You laugh. Inside, you cry, you scream. The hardest part is, there is NOTHING wrong with you - you are hurting and you need help. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Suicide takes the lives of so many good people. Mental Illness is, unfortunately, alive and well in our world. People judge when they don't know the facts and that can make it harder for a person in emotional pain. So many that are in emotional pain hide the pain. So, what do we do? How can we help someone that won't tell us they are hurting? We need to share about suicidal tendencies. We need to talk with our friends and family. We need to let people know that mental illness is taking over our world. We need to encourage research. We also need to share that research. Did you know that a simple concussion can cause a person to increase their risk of suicide? I j