Help Stop The Pain

Every day without Heather is painful. Heather was a really hard worker. She worked in a group home, she babysat, she attended classes at the local college, she helped friends, so many different aspects to her life. One thing I do know is that Heather worked hard to make ends meet. Car loan, insurance, school expenses, gas, car repairs, cell phone, etc, etc, etc. She was not alone. I also know that working with people in any healthcare field, well, the pay is not the best. If she was earning a decent minimum wage, this might have made things easier for her and added that much less stress for her. If we had kept up with the minimum wage, it would be about $21 an hour now. That would have made life a little more bearable for the many others that were like Heather, that were struggling to make ends meet. Many people, from all different walks of life, choose suicide because they just can't see a way to make ends meet. What a difference this wage would make in so many lives. I don...

Every first without Heather is hard. Simple things can become such a hard reminder that she is no longer with us. This past weekend we had a barbecue with some friends. Well, this was the first barbecue without her around and it was hard. I was originally excited but once the day was here, I just wanted to cry. I tried my best but I have to admit, most of the day, I stayed at home. During the barbecues, Heather used to hang more at our apartment. She would say that she was uncomfortable around a lot of people. I would end up bringing some food back and sharing it with her. Well, for this barbecue, I just found it hard to be around a lot of the people and brought some food back for me and well, I pretty much lost it at that point. Some people stopped by our apartment (we usually ended up having people at both apartments during the barbecues) so I tried to hold in all the tears, but it meant that for another first, I was hiding myself in a fog. It's the only way for me to get th...

The only thing that can be certain in this life is that many people don't watch what they say - not realizing how much harm their words can cause. Through the loss of my daughter to suicide, I have met many people in similar situations. Some have lost loved ones to suicide, some have lost loved ones to drug overdoses. The true cause is the same - mental illness. This is a disease that is taking over our world, yet many continue to try to hide it under a rock. Quite a few others, though, tend to lash out coldly to the ones that are left to try to find their new normal life without their loved ones beside them. I am a suicide survivor. I lost Heather totally unexpectedly and that woke me up to a problem that has been in our world for a long time. When I was younger, I attempted suicide myself. When that didn't work, drugs was my escape. Luckily, I woke up but I still didn't acknowledge the problem. Today, I acknowledge it's a huge problem. One that we have to take ca...

A new month starts. Each time a new month starts is like a little knife going through my soul. Another month without my beautiful daughter with us. At least I still have dreams with her, but they are so weird lately. I will take weird over not seeing her in my dreams though. Things are still hard, but I have started my book about mental illness and suicide. It's hard going, but I think it will help others when I can finally finish it. I'm finalizing the first chapter, still working on the second chapter and started the third. Well, I just want to keep my train of thought in the same place. I'm not sure how I will ever be able to finish it, but I will do my best. It's hard. As I read though some of my blog posts and some letters that I wrote to Heather, it all brings the pain back fresh. At times it feels like I am experiencing it all over again. How do you tell someone that suicide is not the answer. How do you explain to someone in words the pain that is etched i...