To Sleep or Not to Sleep


There is one thing that I can be sure of. Some days I can sleep and some days, I can just toss and turn and hope that I will eventually pass out for a couple of hours before it's time to get up. Just after we lost Heather, sleep was an impossibility. Before long, I taught myself that I could hibernate. As long as I got to sleep early, I could crash for the night and close my mind to the pain I was feeling. I was doing pretty well with that. Granted, it's not much of a life, but hey, at least I wasn't a walking zombie anymore.

It's now 6 months later and I am, unfortunately, back into the lack of sleep mode. I toss, I turn, it doesn't matter. I glance at the clock now and then and the time just keeps creeping by. Most nights, I get a few hours of sleep before the sun is up and my grandson is awake. Is this normal? I have no idea, but I do miss the hours of sleep where I could hide from the pain. Is part of this because I just released my book on the web? Possibly. I'm not sure.

Is this a sign of what is to become of my life? Some days I will sleep my life away and some days I just will wish to be able to fall asleep? Again. No clue. What do I do when I can't sleep? Well, I talk with Heather and hope she hears me. I cry. Yeah, tears are never in shortage. I know I have woken up with tears rolling down my cheeks so I know I even cry in my sleep. It's not good.

Yesterday, I shared my book. That was very hard. Is this book for you? I have no clue. There is a lot of pain that you will read. Have you lost someone that you loved to suicide? Yes, the book is for you, because you will see that you are not alone. I have been on enough forums for suicide survivors to know that each of us hurts so badly, so no, you are not alone. Very sad to say, there are many members of the Survivor's Club.

Have you ever thought about taking your own life? Yes? Than this book is for you too! Before you decide to take your life, I would love for you to read my book. Before you stop your pain, read about the pain that will be left for those that are left behind. No, the pain doesn't disappear just because your life is over. Those left behind will carry your pain for the rest of their lives. Please, think again and talk to someone, anyway. There is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) and there is the Crisis Text Line - Text START to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis counseling. There is a hope so please take that step before you decide that you are going to end your life. You may not realize it, but there are many people that would do anything to have you stay in their lives.

Once again, you can get to my book by visiting HelpStopThePain.com and viewing the tab Help Stop The Pain Book or by clicking on this link right here. Please, share this with everyone. 1 in 4 people suffer from mental illness, so please, look around at your friends and family. How many of those are you willing to lose? None? Then do you part and help share! Thank you!

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